the fun thing about tumblr is that i don’t need to criptic like on facebook.
I’m done with giving life another chance. Thank you to everyone who made me laugh and feel loved at least on this website, some of you irl as well (you know who you are and you know I love you). Remind my brother about the songs to my funural. and…. that’s it.
since i’ve decided about this i feel calm, i even stopped crying. i’m writing this so later on everyone would know I choose this. Out of logic, out of seeing what my life could be and couldn’t be like and realizing this was the best option for me, probably for others in my life as well.
On the one hand I hope you understand, on the other I wish you’d never be in a potion where you could.
So, that’s it. Again, thanks.
See you ;)
I’m so hungry. But if I eat, I’ll never be pretty enough, I’ll never be happy enough. I’ll continue being unloved and uncared for by those around me.
More and more I’m failing to find reason in being alive. More and more I know that no matter I loud I cry for help, no one will listen. No matter how hard I try I would never succeed. I was destined for suffer. So why keep going? Why? The only thing I never is pain.
You know what, no wander no one wants me. I wouldn’t want me.
I’ve been looking at pictures from a year or so ago, when I was about 6-8kilos less. That’s it, just 6 kilos. And I looked so much better. I actually looked good. And I was happy.
Starving myself was making me happy. So yeah, it’s not healthy. But being healthy makes me miserable so how is that better?
I didn’t try to kill myself once, I don’t think I even thought about it as much as I do now. And I was never actually risking my health, I kept eating, but just enough so I’d be pretty and guys would actually be interested in me. I mean, again, it’s nit perfect, it’s not love. But it’s as close as I’ll ever get to that.
So, this is it. One last try. I’m giving myself until after the world cup. If I can’t make it back to how I was when I was beautiful, if I can’t make it back to my football jeseries fitting me - there is no point to staying alive. Cause I know, I would never be happy